myPhone

It’s not that I’m not super psyched about this “new” iPod phone thing – the iPhone. I am. Really. It’s a bloodless revolution, which we could use right about now. But I’m little pissed off too.

See, I’ve been boner pumped for this product since my old roommate and I invented it nearly two years ago. We were stoned, his dog was running around his room, music tumbled out his little iPod speakers and then bang boom do the Thomas Edison dance, we had invented it. Make a phone with everything on it like a pizza or a bagel or hot dog. It – our iPod phone – would have phone, email, internet, iPod, video, maps, camera, GPS, maybe condoms and one thing that iPhone fatally forgot a water purification mechanism to keep all the world drinking pure ass water – don’t even think about stealing that gem Apple, we’ve got stoner patent on that. And now two years later this character Steve Jobs jumps up and steals our limelight at some conference in San Francisco playing a tosser Beatles song. I cry ‘foul’ for all the voiceless innovators – mainly myself and my buddy that doesn’t know I am writing this.

Hey, Jobs let this be a written warning to you and your precious Apple. We can either settle out of court – you give me two iPhones, a fully loaded MacBook and some stickers – or I can get super wild litigious and turn Apple into apple pie, apple sauce, sour apple, crapple, rotten apple, or the green apple splatters – any of those names make you want take a bite, dick head.

One footnote on the matter is that I believe my roomie mentioned the invention first to which I replied something like, “Yeah, bro, that’s what I’m talking’ about.” But I like to think of it as ours, since we were living together at the time and super close. And you know how really close girls share menstrual cycles well dudes, hombres, best friends forever share thoughts. It’s much cooler and another reason why chicks wish they had dicks.

One last thing Steve Jobs, here’s another idea you can’t have without paying me an entry level salary, put Oregon Trail on iPods. How hard is that?